I shall convert this blog temporary into a daily diary of how I'm feeling for the next 2 weeks. ZZ, its hard on me to give you a 2 weeks timeout, but I'll try it just this once, to give you the personal time and space you wanted.

I've got tons of thoughts and feelings inside me, and its gonna carry on for the next 2 weeks. I wanted to let you know about this blog of mine since the start of the timeout, but i don't wish to add additional pressure and burden to you anymore. Neither do I wish to suay your decision and judgement. So with those being the cases, I shall remain silent and continue posting without letting you know. At the end of the 2 weeks, regardless of your decision, I'll share with you this blog of mine that contains 14 posts' worth of feelings.

DAY 1

Its the start of this 2 weeks, kinda reminds me of confinements. But its must worst than that, since its a utter torment for me mentally. I don't even know if i get to see you again after the end of 2 weeks. I'm going insane, seriously.

I'm going back to camp today, and its always when I'm in camp that I misses you the most. But I can't give you a call or message, and it deeply saddens me. I miss you, really...

I didn't sleep at all last night. All that was in my mind was the few minutes of me crying in your arms. I thought I'm mentally prepared, but in the end i still broke down. It might be the last time I get to feel your warmth. Hate to say it, but it really might be the case.

What hurts me the most was when you said you are a failure. NO!!!! YOU ARE NOT!!!! You wouldn't believe how happy you made me for the past month when I'm with you. I smile when I'm about to sleep, and I wake up anticipating for your message. My heart beats faster when I see you in person. How can a person that makes me feel all these be a failure? ZZ, say it with me, you are the successful person to let me feel happiness!!!

But in the end, I have to face the reality, the fact that this rs have ended. I wish that you would give us a second chance, but its not up to me to decide now. I'm willing to walk down the path with you, regardless of how tough it will be. Will i be able to hold your hands again?

I know it has been tough for you. I'm unknowingly giving you so much pressure. I really don't know. I'm sorry.. really sorry..

It's not easy for me either. You have a set of expectations that's different from mine, and you aren't making any moves to accommodate the difference. That is why i try to do my part, but in the end you said I keep giving in..

But to me, its okay, because you are much much more important than anything else. Being with you overrides any accommodations or differences. I just want a rs with someone i hold so dearly.

ZZ, I still love you, deep down in my heart. It has never changed, and it never will.


Will i be able to hold your hands again?